Closure

Well, today marked a big day for us. We put Mattie to rest today. Granted, she's been resting pretty well since the below post (We know she has prime seatage in doggie heaven!). When Chris talked with the vet about what to do, we also had to decide what to do with her earthly remains. So many choices but only one seemed right. We chose to have her cremated. We're not much into burials since it just takes up space in our shrinking planet (who knew we were hippies!!) So, about a week after, Chris got a call from the vet to let us know that Mattie was ready. Chris went and picked her up after an early morning dentist visit. When I got home, I looked for her box (I chose a lovely little redwood box since she was a redhead). But her box was nowhere to be found. I called Chris and asked where she was. He said that she was with him since he figured I probably wouldn't want to find that greeting me when I got home. I asked if he had brought her into the office and he said that she was out in the truck. I was like, "You left her in the truck??" I mean give the girl some dignity!! When we discussed how to deal with her remains, we both knew instantly that we would have to wait for a Mattie day: Sun shining but a little cool with a few clouds in the sky. This past week has offered some great days but just not ready yet. Today, was a perfect Mattie day. Strangely, the day after she passed was the most gorgeous day ever! It seemed to say to us that she was just fine and happy and that meant so much to us. So, Chris took the box outside and unscrewed the bottom. He had never seen cremated remains before but I was familiar since my beloved Uncle Joey was cremated and his remains spread at my grandparents' lake house. Her ashed with in a plastic bag. Chris undid the twist-tie and I took the bag and spread half of her ashes around the yard, making sure to spread a lot in her favorite sunning spot. Chris took the other half and spread them on the side of the yard where we will be planting a tree in her memory in the spring.
I do have to admit that I teared up. I miss her terribly - especially with her favorite holiday, Halloween, happening. It was hard to see her costumes in the Halloween box. I still feel so guilty about our decision and figure I will for a while. I talked with God about it and have decided to hold onto that guilty for a bit. I have handed her over and she is safe with him but this part of her I want to keep. Sometime, I will be ready but just not yet.